Yo estoy aprendiendo Espanol

I've never been a very good student. Shakespeare? Why do I need to learn that? Geometry? I'll never use that in my life. As a matter of fact, in the eighth grade we were assigned a project about the solar system. I choose the sun and started my report. I never did finish it and when Mr. Dawe asked me about it the next day, I admitted to him that it was late and I slid it under his door after hours. Total lie. I didn't actually do it but with one big lie and a few little tears I was able to convince him that I DID do it. I got 80%.

Please don't judge me too harshly, I'm not a bad person. I just learned that I am better at talking my way out of things better than I am of actually doing them. (Maybe I could've been a lawyer after-all...)

I'm not sure why I was a lazy student. Maybe I wasn't convinced that I could be a good student or that I was capable. Maybe I was rebelling about the confinement of it all. Either way, I have accomplished lots in my life even with my lackadaisical "school" attitude. I earned my private pilot's license at the age of 20, my motorcycle license at the age of 30 and now at the age of 40 (ok, 41) I'm learning Spanish.

Moving to Panama wasn't much of a culture shock. I had visited the country and even purchased property. I feel safe on the beaches, I feel comfortable driving on the highway. Where I feel out of place is communicating. And that's one big "out of place". I came to Panama knowing a handful of Spanish words and one phrase. So now I put my trusty student skills to work. I can't dance my way around this or make it up as I go. Either I learn it and I understand what is being asked of me or I don't and I nod my head and smile. 

So now, twice a week, I pay a local to teach me new Spanish words and phrases. She coaches me through putting them all together and gives me a hard time if I haven't practiced enough. I spit and stutter out each phrase and it takes me back to middle school. I feel hesitant and pitiful. Can I actually learn Spanish? Does anyone understand me? Here's what I do know. Panamanians are forgiving and kind. They see me trying to order 12 buns at the grocery store and they don't laugh but try to help. When I go to the roadside fruit stands and ask for a pineapple, they will slowly answer me. I often say "I don't understand" and my newest friend is "yo estoy aprendiendo Espanol". I am learning Spanish. They seem to like that one!

My biggest hurdle moving to a Spanish speaking country is actually speaking Spanish. Right now, I'm going outside my comfort zone and trying to speak to everyone I see. Mostly it's "hello, how are you", "can I have 12 buns" and "I am learning Spanish" (and mostly it's to a caiman in a pond, an iguana in a tree and occasionally to a feral dog)...but that's the whole point. If I just DO it, I will learn it. I'll make mistakes and speak like a two year old for the first few months (and cry for my mommy) but I am determined. 

In a few months I'll be walking the walk AND talking the talk!!!